woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Someone shattered a urinal.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
