i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
