I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize