somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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