Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I looked at my own cervix.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
