actually, I'm a sock model
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize