Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
