He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
