By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
