I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
