I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
