I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
