he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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