is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
