I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
