what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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