Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
