So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
