who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Green mimosas i think yes
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just forgot I was standing up.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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