all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
