I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize