I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
