You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
