It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
