a search helicopter?!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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