I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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