No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
