She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
