She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
