tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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