I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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