i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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