her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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