HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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