so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
