i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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