I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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