Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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