he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
