It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
