The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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