Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Randomize
