WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
