we made out on top of his cat.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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