I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
