its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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