1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
