my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
