she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
