that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
