I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
