I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
