can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
