I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
