You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I didn't notice because vodka
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
