I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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