i always forget guys have bellybuttons
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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