I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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