i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
