I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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