literally had 100 drinks last night.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
