Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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