R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
