sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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