I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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