You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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