Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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