we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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