where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
