i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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