I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
