It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
