Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
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